I never made it upstairs to bed last night. Again. I did catch a couple hours of sleep on the couch before the children woke up, but Micah got up a bit early today. My mom called bright and early, too, to tell me that she had a good night. I love her phone calls, even when they wake the kids. It makes me smile to know she is thinking of me.

Micah ate a good breakfast again…I think he loves to eat eggs. I keep wondering whether I should try getting “fancy” with the eggs…maybe fried eggs, or a bird’s nest. I always end up keeping it simple…plain old scrambled eggs, with either an English muffin, cereal, or oatmeal. He usually likes a little fruit (either raisins or a banana) to top it off.

Christin arrived at 9, and I spent most of the morning playing with Micah and trying to accomplish odds and ends…like sorting the mountain of laundry for Maya. Those hand-me-downs have been a mixed blessing…with all the clothes, it takes me forever to try and figure out what pieces go together and get it all organized. I still have pants that do not seem to belong with any of the tops, and vice versa. It will be wonderful to have new (and warm) outfits for Maya to wear…but I think those unmatched pieces are going to make me crazy! If history holds true, I will probably find the matched sets when it is time to pack them all up again.

Tomorrow, my mom is meeting with the Rabbi. She keeps thinking that he’ll tell her she is crazy when she starts talking about death and all the things she wants to bring with her. She then asked me if she should share her “tag line” with him (what she plans to say to me when she calls me from the grave on her cell phone). Mom then asked if I would share our conversations from her grave on the blog after she died. I then said to Mom that if she called me from the grave on her cell phone, and I wrote about it on the blog, there would be several hundred people calling the authorities to have me locked up in the crazy hospital!

We tried to talk more about my Mom calling from the grave. She said that in Tuesdays with Morrie, he said that when you die you are just gone, and that she believes that, too. But then she talked about becoming one with the universe, which seemed like a nicer thought to me. I asked her why she thought she would be calling me on a cell phone from the grave if she thought that when people die they are just gone. She thought about it for a minute, and didn’t have a response. I asked her if she thought Grammy was in her grave able to talk on the phone. My mother shook her head no, so I asked, “then why do you think you’ll be calling me from the grave when you go?” Her response? “Because I know how to work a cell phone and Grammy doesn’t.” Okay – point taken.

I think it upsets me that my mother is thinking about death as if we’ll bury her alive. That she is thinking she’ll be locked in a box under ground, wanting to talk to us and unable to reach us. She is thinking about how she will charge her phone, but she is certain that she’ll have good reception under ground on Verizon (it works on the metro, you know).

My mom and I also talked about love. I have a whole other post I’ve been playing with…but I’m going to save that for yet another day. Maybe tomorrow. Suffice it to say that my Mom told me she is very proud of both of us (me and Jeremy)…more proud than she ever would have believed possible. She talked about how thankful she was for our support, and then said that she doesn’t know how a person could go through all of this without a family. She said that a person would just get lost and die without family around – bad medications, missed treatments, etc. I think that she is correct. I would bet that the studies show that survival rates are proportional to family support. We’ve been told before that many people with transport issues simply just do not do treatment because it is too hard to do alone. How is it that in a world with such advanced technologies, we still cannot figure out how to make sure that sick people can take advantage of available treatments?

It must have been a long day today, because I can barely remember many of the details. To be truthful, I cannot remember which child woke up when this morning. I think I remember being awake on the early side, and I am certain I did my best to let Elliot sleep in a bit on his birthday. I hope that Elliot had a happy birthday…despite the fact that it was not a day all about him. He did not get a card or a gift from me today, and I am sorry that I just could not do more to make it more special for him…but I did let him sleep and tried not to give him a hard time about anything. I do remember Elliot bringing Maya downstairs to me and then going back upstairs to bed. I also remember Micah being a bit on the cranky side again today. He did eat all of his breakfast – eggs and an English muffin. I remember that because the sight of Micah eating these days is becoming a rarity!

Somewhere in the middle of all of this chaos, our new landlady showed up with the final contract and the keys. There are moments when my sarcasm seems to get the better of me…and dealing with my new landlady this morning was one of those times. She started to lecture me about taking care of the house (we have a contract, and we’re liable for damage, so what does she think, we are handing over all of this money so we can trash her house?)…I very nearly told her that I had no intention of taking care of the house, but would prefer to run through it with a sledgehammer and destroy it. She then told me we needed carpets in the house. I said we were moving all of our things, and that included carpets. She started to explain to me about how carpets work, described what she meant by carpets…at which point I cut her off, told her that I was well aware of carpets, she was standing on one, I pointed out the one in the kitchen, and I told her that when I said we had carpets and would be moving them, I meant we would be using carpets. She then tried to explain again WHY she wanted carpets, and I think I practically shoved her out the front door. I think this woman is going to be a thorn in our side.

Micah and Megan headed off to class around 9:45, and Elliot, Maya and I left for Levindale. Today was our care planning meeting at Levindale. The meeting started a little late, but it was a good meeting. We received a report from each of the departments…nutrition, nursing, rehab and social work. She has been standing for over 10 minutes with the knee support, she is doing quite well with assisting in transfers using her good side, and she is doing extremely well in speech therapy. Overall, my mother is doing quite well and making progress, and the rehab people are recommending that my mother stay until November 4 to continue working on her therapy. We are waiting for word from insurance, but we are hoping for the extra days to help my mother build her strength. We had the opportunity to voice a few complaints…about the medicines being administered poorly, etc. We also learned that my mother has been losing time at rehab because the nursing staff has consistently failed to get her ready and downstairs for therapy by 9:00 am. We were not happy to learn about this, but we have been told that it will not happen any more. Once we have a more precise discharge date, we will begin to work with OT and the social worker to obtain all of the equipment we will need for Mom when she gets home.

After our planning meeting, Mom ate lunch and got ready for transport. I had brought Mom and Krystal cupcakes, and a chocolate covered strawberry for Mom (by the way, I forgot to mention yesterday that I received a BEAUTIFUL surprise from Michelle Harris Herman and Dottie Harris…an entire box of chocolate covered strawberries! They have been incredible, and I believe I already mentioned my obsession with chocolate covered strawberries). While we waited for transport, Mom ate her cupcake and said it was a wonderful treat (she saved the strawberry for this afternoon)!

Transport was a bit late, per usual. On our way to Hopkins, I received a text from my friend Heather…her mom had back surgery today, and is doing well. Heather – we’re thinking about your Mom, too, and hope she feels better quickly! When we arrived at Hopkins, we learned that they had an emergency and were running about 15 minutes behind. As is par for the course, 15 minutes became 30 minutes became 1 hour. We had gotten transport to wait with us…and at the 30 minute mark, she left I immediately had my father call and schedule another transport back, because I knew that we’d never get back unless he called immediately. Naturally, 10 minutes after she left, we were ready for transport again. My mother was ready to go by 3:15, Elliot, Maya and I left at 3:30, and at 3:45 they were STILL waiting for transport. I kept calling every 2 minutes until transport finally arrived. I just do not understand their system!

We got home right around 4:30…and I was amazed that the house was cleaner. Megan had straightened up a bit…emptied the dishwasher, organized the toys, cleared off the dining room table. I just couldn’t thank her enough! I waited for Arleen and Rayna to come meet me. While I waited, I spent some good quality time with Micah. Micah has a new game he likes to play…he opens the front door and stands between the door and the screen. He says “bye-bye,” and then closes himself between the door and the screen. He opens the door again a few minutes later, pleased with himself, and then starts all over again. The game makes me nervous…I think about my mom warning us about doors and children’s fingers (she nearly lost her thumb and the tip is severely damaged to this day because she got it caught in a door when she was 3), I worry that he’ll accidentally lock himself in there, and I also worry that he’ll somehow suffocate in that space. But, try as I might, I cannot get Micah to give up his new game.

Rayna arrived a little while later, sans Arleen. Arleen needed to stay behind at the Hebrew Home to take care of some things for Della. Rayna and I headed off to the nail salon, and we had a nice chat. We talked about so many different things…her pregnancy, Mom, Della, the future, and we spent a good deal of time reminiscing about the past. After our nail appointment, Rayna and I went to get dinner for everyone, and brought it home. My father had arrived, and it was our plan to eat dinner together…but like all good plans, it was foiled. Arleen and Lorin were stuck waiting for an aide to show up at the Hebrew Home and never made it to dinner. We missed you!

Instead, we sat with far too much food (but had a lovely dinner). My father left after dinner, we lit a candle for Elliot’s birthday, and we had cupcakes. Rayna and I continued to sit and talk after dinner. We were so much a part of each other’s lives growing up…Rayna used to call our house EVERY morning at 6:30 am before school. She always came over and sat at our kitchen table while Jeremy and I ate breakfast and got ready for school. If I sat here and shared all of the stories we discussed, I think the blog would be a novel. We laughed about the times Rayna would try on every outfit in her closet…about 10 minutes after Arleen had just folded and put it all away. I remember sitting with my Mom as she comforted Arleen who was beside herself with Rayna’s closet-emptying addiction.

We laughed about the time Jeremy first noticed that Rayna had grown breasts (it was over breakfast one morning before school). We also laughed about Rayna’s baking adventures…I remember one time when Elizabeth (my best friend) was babysitting Rayna and Stu, and she called me crying about how Rayna did something awful in the oven and she was worried Arleen would fire her. I ran over to help out…and saw Rayna’s chocolate chip “cookie” that was shellacked to a cookie pan. I still have no idea what Rayna did, but I’m fairly certain the pan was history. I recalled my first “real” date (one that drove a car)…and I remember clearly that Arleen and Lorin showed up to see me off, too, and I was totally mortified that I had 4 parents there with the potential to embarrass me!

And we never reminisce without me reminding Rayna of the time she nearly attacked me with knives. Jeremy and Rayna were hanging out by themselves after school one day with their friend, Lauren Bishop. Rayna was always fearful of being alone, and she managed to convince Jeremy and Lauren that someone was breaking into the house. I was by myself at our house, and received a panic call from Rayna and Jeremy screaming about how someone was trying to break in and kill them. I rolled my eyes, grabbed the key to the Luchs’ house, and headed right over. I knocked, but they didn’t answer, so I put the key in the lock, opened the door…and from every direction, children with hands full of knives, scissors, and other sharp instruments jumped out at me screaming “YAH!” Yes, Jeremy, Rayna and Lauren went nuts and tried to kill me. To be honest, I cannot remember if Stu was there…it could be he was out with Arleen somewhere. I confiscated their sharp implements, calmed them down, and stayed with them until Arleen came home. I don’t think I told Arleen that they were playing with knives, though, because I knew Rayna would get into trouble. My favorite…Jeremy playing the tough guy after the fact as he told me how crazy Rayna was and he knew better. I remember thinking, “Yeah, that is why you only had 3 knives in your hand instead of Rayna’s 50 knives and 2 pair of scissors.”

We spent so many family holidays together that it is hard to think about my childhood and not think of the Luchs. We were in and out of each other’s houses daily, and sometimes it felt as if there was an open phone line between our two houses. Rayna and I always think of each other as sisters, not just friends…so it was wonderful to spend the afternoon today with my “sister.”

Elliot’s brothers and parents called today, too, to wish him a Happy Birthday. Micah talked a bit on the phone to his Grandma Roberta and Poppy Ira. We are working on getting him to talk on the phone with them. He did say “night, night” and kiss the phone. We need to get one of the family members to set up their web camera and get them set up with a Skype account – we should be video chatting with them more often.

I guess it is nights like tonight that I realize how lucky I am to have so much family…both my blood relatives, and the family we’ve chosen. Thank you, Rayna, for giving me a bit of a break today. Happy birthday, Elliot…we will definitely plan a night out in the near future to celebrate.

Normally, my house is the one thing I can control. When everything else in my life gets crazy, I put my house in order – it gives me a sense of calm and control so I can face the rest of the chaos. I like a neat and orderly house…not a perfect or spotless house, but just neat and orderly. I like when everything has a place, even disorganized junk. I prefer to restrict mess to one designated location, usually out of sight from company and easy to put away if the cleaning lady or visitors are coming. I like the kitchen cleaned every day and put back into place, and I like my living areas free from chaos.

Unfortunately, Elliot is kind of like Pigpen from Charlie Brown…a cloud of mess and chaos follows him everywhere he goes. I always joke that I can see his path through the house because of the trail he leaves behind. He works very hard to try and pick up the mess he creates and clean up after himself, but I would have to say that for every 10 things he cleans up, he messes up 12 (in fairness to Elliot, he has drastically improved over the past years…he used to mess up 12 things, then mess up 12 more, and not clean up any of it!). It is a losing battle for him, and it amazes me that he just cannot even see all the mess he creates, especially when I look around and it is as if big neon flashing lights point out all of the mess.

Normally, I just pick up after Elliot and return my living space to order. But lately, with all that has been happening, I just cannot stay on top of the mess that Elliot creates…not to mention the havoc Micah now wreaks on the house, and my own laziness about putting things away the past few months. We still have the house cleaned every week, but I am sitting here tonight, focusing on the mess around me. In our last renovation, we removed many of the walls on the first floor, so from the position in the dining room where I blog and pump, I can see the mess in every room of this floor all at once. The buffet in the kitchen is piled high with books that Micah has ripped that I need to repair, Maya’s birth announcements that I haven’t had time to address and send out, a stack of thank-you notes I’ve written for all the wonderful gifts for Maya’s baby naming that I still have not finished or sent out, my pile of work/office things that are without a home, the drawings for our home renovations, and then a pile of….cords, technology, papers and crap from Elliot that definitely does not belong on the buffet. The kitchen counters are covered with bottles and jars that do not fit in the cabinets (largely because there are now things that do not belong stuffed in the cabinets…like empty mason jars and baby food jars). We have the oatmeal container from Elliot’s breakfast sitting out (because he never remembers to put it away). There is a 10 foot pile of mail on the front table (we get WAY too much juink mail, Elliot and I are both terrible about sorting through it, and I do not even have an office or a cabinet yet to file away my things). Back before I was married, I would have just dropped most of it into the trash when the pile started to offend me and solve my problem, but Elliot…well, he does not like to just throw anything away without inspecting it himself. I have a feeling waking him up now to inspect everything would not be well-received.

I miss my days of an orderly house. I am certain that much of the mess we face has a lot to do with the fact that we’ve been living in a house that is way too small for us for several years now. We do not have a bedroom for Maya, I do not have an office, we have no storage space, so even if we wanted to put everything away, it simply does not fit in this house. It may also have a lot to do with the fact that a few months back, when I thought we were only weeks away from moving out for our renovations (and I was at the tail-end of my pregnancy), I gave up fighting the mess because I thought it would be easier to deal with when we moved.

I have to say, I’m looking forward to moving. I cannot wait to throw out some of the crap in the house. I cannot wait to have enough rooms for everyone in our family and some storage space. I cannot wait to have some order back in my living environment. Most of all, I cannot wait to have Mom back home with us so we can all attempt to take some control of what has happened to us. I am sure my mother is having a hard time with the lack of control in her life now, too, and I completely understand that.

Maya woke up on the early side this morning around 7…thanks, in part, to Elliot making a lot of noise snoring noises. I cannot wait until we can put Maya in her own bedroom! Micah slept until about 8:30…I tried to get Elliot awake to go get Micah before Micah’s yelling woke Maya again, but no such luck. We ended up bringing Micah into our room, and he cuddled with us for a while. We all moved downstairs for breakfast, and I ran around trying to get our clothing and things ready for the day.

Micah has been trying to dress himself more and more everyday. While I was organizing our swim bag, Micah decided to help get himself dressed – he pulled his swim diaper over one leg of his pajamas. Eventually, we decided to help Micah out and got him completely dressed for swim class. Today, we put him in an Elmo sweat outfit…I think he may never wear anything else again!

Once again, swim class was great. Micah is really making progress and loving the water. Now, if I could just convince him that he shouldn’t DRINK the pool water, we’d be in business.

After swim class, we drove up to Levindale. When we arrived, Suellen, Greg, Gail and Steven were visiting and my mom was finishing up physical therapy. When she returned, we all sat together for a while in the cafe area talking. Mom was doing great, and sporting her new purple beret that Rayna brought from Paris. My mom decided today that she wants to shave her head – her head is itching and she just wants all the hair gone. I think it is a great idea, so tomorrow we are going to try and make that happen. So, Dad, if you make an appointment for tomorrow, make sure it is when I’m there, too! I will definitely take photos and post them (and sorry…I did not yet find the time to get all the rest of the photos and videos online, but will try to make time tomorrow).