Picture it…it is 15-20 minutes past bedtime, and your little one is lying in bed…not so quietly. I don’t mean screaming or crying, or misbehaving…but not sleeping. What do you do?
Tonight, as happens many nights, I put my son to bed, came downstairs, and sat on the family room couch. I was quite pleased that both of my children were in bed and silent. Uh oh…perhaps I spoke too soon. Over the monitor I hear the following: “ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYandZ, now I know my ABCs, next time sing with me! Let’s do it again FASTER!” (I admit, I sat there watching him on the video monitor for quite some time – I love to see his fisted arms pump every time he yells “faster”). My first reaction? That child is simply ADORABLE. He is not quite 3 yet, and he loves to sing his ABCs! While I sat here puffing myself up with pride, I could hear the ripples of laughter escaping him as he sang his ABCs faster and faster, over and over again. Who knew that ABCs could bring so much joy? Some days, he sings “No more monkeys jumping on the bed” or he sings Shabbat songs that they practice in his preschool. I love hearing him self-entertain.
After a few minutes, I started to think…”Do I need to intervene? It is bedtime, and that child is definitely NOT sleeping.” How, as parents, do we determine when to intervene at bedtime? As a general rule, when my children are not truly upset or engaging in dangerous behavior, I try not to intervene at all once I leave the room. But, how long is too long?
In most cases, I find that my son’s antics rarely last longer than 30 minutes…unless I intervene. Then it becomes a game – he tries to do more and more to get my attention. I think that is part of their genius – they know exactly which buttons to push to keep us engaged. At all costs, it is always better to avoid a battle of wills with a toddler. But I find waiting during that time and NOT intervening very difficult. I want to tell him to be quiet, or lie still, or go to sleep. I think sometimes, it is easy to assume they are just goofing off and defying us.
I am starting to realize that Micah’s singing routines (or storytelling, or conversations) are actually his way of winding down from the day. It relaxes him, it allows him to burn off excess energy, and it settles him. When he is ready, he rolls over and goes to sleep. Instead of battling with him, I now build in a cushion for him to stay awake and do his thing. If his activities escalate into bed jumping, or continue on for 40 minutes without any signs of winding down, I do intervene. I have a video monitor that has a “VOICE OF G-D” function (as we like to call it) – you know, a speaker into his room that makes us sound like this disembodied voice coming down from heaven. When needed, I simply use the monitor to say “Micah, enough____(fill in the blank), lay down and go to sleep.” He is usually startled, he still looks around, puzzled that I can see him. If he starts to engage in the behavior, I will say “Micah, I see you, lay down and go night night.” So far, it always works. He is usually quiet after that, and falls asleep shortly thereafter.
So, for now, I’ll just work on giving him time for his nighttime serenades…and I’ll sit down here on the couch, quietly laughing as I watch him. Being a mom definitely has its perks!