Last night was a big night in our household…my baby, who is now 3 years and 3 months old, slept in underwear for the first time! AND she kept her underwear and bed dry! Momentous, right? I’m a little bit teary thinking we might be completely finished with diapers for my little baby…although she isn’t too young to still do adorable things like sneak out of bed and try sleeping at the top of the stairwell to wait for me (picture to the left – taken last week).
So, are you wondering, “How did you night train your daughter?” Well…I didn’t! If you had asked me five weeks ago, I would have told you she was years away from staying dry overnight. In fact, I don’t even think she had yet had a nap when she kept her diaper dry. The truth is, we really cannot night train our children. It is mostly a biological function…they have to be old enough, their bladders have to be large enough, and they have to sleep deeply enough for their kidneys to quiet and reduce urine production.
What changed for us? I think a variety of factors. First, we started to discuss staying dry with her. Initially, we simply talked about the goal of keeping her diaper dry and peeing in the potty before nap and right when she woke up. We even mentioned that she could stop wearing diapers and wear her favorite underwear to bed when she kept her diaper dry. If her diaper was wet, sometimes we would ask if she peed in her sleep or when she woke up. On occasion, I would ask her why she chose to pee in her diaper when she woke up, but usually I just got the snarky responses of “well, I just did” or “because I like to do it.” For the most part, we simply encouraged her to keep it dry. Like most older children, peeing in a diaper often leads to leaks…and when her bed, or different blankets or stuffed animals or even books, got wet, we would talk about the mess and how we have to clean it up, and maybe next time if she peed in the potty, we wouldn’t have such a mess to clean up! We never did this with any sense of anger or punishment…it was matter of fact: “Oh no! Your diaper overflowed…looks like we have to clean up again today. Let’s see what got wet…your lovey? Well, we’ll have to wash her – she may not be dry in time for bedtime tonight.”
Much to our surprise, she suddenly started to stay dry for naps about three or four weeks ago. We made a big deal out of checking to see if it was dry every day, and we continued to celebrate each and every time it was dry. We used positive reinforcement such as “You did it!” and “Aren’t you proud of yourself?” to help her see what she had accomplished. A few times we let her sleep in underwear, but she seemed to prefer having a diaper. Then, about three weeks ago, we had a night when her diaper was dry overnight! We were shocked. We celebrated and talked about almost being ready to sleep without a diaper. About two weeks ago, she started to keep her diaper dry night after night. I actually started to expect a dry diaper from her!
And then…Sunday morning. My daughter woke up, and once again, I checked her diaper. It was dry! But she told me she had peed all over her bed. When I touched her pajamas and checked her bed, everything was urine-soaked. A mystery, right? I checked to see if somehow she could have peed out the diaper, but her pajama bottoms were dry. I looked to see if she had changed her own diaper…but there was no evidence of a wet diaper anywhere. I spent hours on and off asking my daughter questions (and, like every good parent, seeking suggestions from my friends on Facebook)…and wondering if I would ever get an answer that helped me solve the mystery.
Me: “How did the pee get in your bed?” M: “Well, it just got there when I peed.”
Me: “Did you pee through a different diaper?” M: “No, mommy, pee comes through my vagina.”
Me: “Did you pee in your sleep or after you woke up?” M: “I sleep in my bed and there is pee there.”
Me: “Did you take your diaper off and pee in your bed?” M: “Yes! That is what I did.”
Me: “Wait…you peed in your bed on purpose?” M: “Yes! I wanted to keep my diaper dry.”
Me: (stunned) “Why didn’t you go pee in the potty?” M: “Well, I just didn’t.”
(repeating this question often throughout the day…) M: “I peed on my chuck pad – chuck pads are for peeing on!”
Aha! Mystery solved. In our house, we have reusable “chuck” pads…these are absorbent pads with a backer that resists urine/moisture passing through. We had gotten them from the hospital a long time ago, and initially used them when potty training our kids. When I was pregnant and getting close to my due date, I always sat on one in case my water broke! We usually have one or two chuck pads under the kids’ sheets in case of an accident. On Saturday, my daughter found one and asked to put it on top of her sheet and sleep on it. I didn’t think anything of it. Turned out…she woke up in the morning, saw the chuck pad, and decided it meant it was okay to pee on it! I quickly dispelled that notion, and decided that she should no longer have a chuck pad on top of her sheet.
Luckily, my daughter kept her diaper dry on Sunday and Monday. Last night, she asked to sleep in underwear, and I agreed, fairly certain I would be washing everything this morning. Much to my relief, her underwear was dry this morning (and her bed)! I am not certain that she is completely night trained yet (or that she will be reliable any time soon), but it is a start.
When should a child be dry overnight? For some children, it can be as young as 2 years of age (I’ve heard tale of even younger than that). For others, it may be about 5 years old. From a medical perspective, inability to stay dry overnight is not considered “bedwetting” or any kind of a medical problem or concern before they are 5-6 years of age.
My suggestion? Don’t pressure or punish your child about being wet overnight. Have open discussions about keeping the bed dry or using the potty. If they really do not seem to be ready, don’t worry about it. Celebrate the dry diapers when they happen. When you see that your child is consistently dry for about 1-2 weeks, then try allowing him/her to sleep in underwear.
If your child is snoring, mouth breathing, or is soaking through diapers and bed sheets on a nightly basis, this *could* be a warning flag for a medical sleep issue – discuss it with your pediatrician!