In my last post, I shared with you a little about our morning rituals, so I am sure you will not be surprised to hear that we have bedtime rituals, too.Have you ever told your toddler it is time to go to bed, and heard the immediate “NO!” response (or worse, had the temper tantrums start)? Yes, we’ve all been there…and many parents begin to fear starting the bedtime routine because of the push back. Why is it that toddlers resist bedtime? And what can we do to make the process easier?
Tonight, I was sitting around and playing with my two children after dinner (my husband was out of town). My son, Micah, was feeling musical, so he was performing a concert for us. We go to classes at Kidville, and he just loves the “Rockin’ Railroad” band (previously called the Little Maestros Band). He takes out his guitar, and he strums and sings, jumping around and performing. My daughter, Maya, is starting to become a fantastic backup singer – and Micah usually has her playing the keyboards. Here are a few videos of the musical stylings of my son….
About ten minutes before bedtime, I told Micah one more song, and then we were going to clean up and go upstairs for bed. He sang his song, I got the kids’ medications together, and we started our nighttime rituals. When I announced it was bedtime, Micah immediately said “No, Mommy, you forgot – I get 2 more minutes.” He was right…I flicked the lights, and I said “2 minutes until bedtime!” He let out a big grin, and we sang the clean-up song to put everything back together. I then announced “Okay, children, time to go to bed!” My daughter, Maya, started to protest, so I immediately began to sing our nighttime songs. First up…a song I like to call “It’s Night-Night Time.” Here are the words (I actually stole the tune from a religious song we sing called “Shavua tov” – “A Good Week):
I immediately launched into our next nighttime song – to the tune of London Bridge:
Okay – I never said my songs were creative…but they work! Tonight, when my protesting almost 2 year old heard the song, she immediately grinned, and ran around the room grabbing her things for bedtime (a book and her doll). She made a beeline for the stairs, and waited for me at the bottom until I launched into the London Bridge song. She climbed the stairs, and ran over to her room to set up her book in the chair for bedtime. My son ran straight for the potty, took his clothes off, and peed in the potty. If it is a bath night, the kids hop in the tub, and we wash up…but luckily tonight was not a bath night. Both children returned to Maya’s room. Micah sat on the chair and read her book while I put on her pajamas.
Normally, my husband grabs my son’s pajamas and starts getting him ready at the same time. We read the two kids a quick story, put Maya in her crib, turn off the light, and the 3 of us sing “You are my Sunshine”and close her door. We then head into Micah’s room, finish getting him ready, put him in his bed (usually read another quick story), tuck him in and give him a kiss, and sing a second round of “You are my Sunshine.” We tell him we love him, and head back downstairs.
As every teacher and child development expert will say, toddlers have a hard time transitioning – moving from one activity to the next. Schools handle this challenge by building transitions into their schedule – they use routine charts to let children know the order of activities throughout the course of school, and they frequently remind children where they are in the order of activities and what is coming up next. Teachers often give “2 minute warnings” and flicker the lights to let children know that it is time to start wrapping up one activity and get ready to move on to the next. Many preschools often use song to help trigger certain behaviors in children (almost every teacher has a clean-up song, and a hello song, and a goodbye song).
I think these same principles apply to bedtime. Children crave the predictability of routines, they need time to transition, and a good song never hurts either! Many parents create a picture-based routine chart – you can simply take a ribbon, and put velcro dots on it. You can buy cute little frames, or simple plastic frames, and put the other half of the velcro dot on the back of the frame. Take pictures (or make drawings) and every morning, attach pictures representing your daily activities. As you transition throughout the day, help your children see where you are in your schedule! Later this week, I’ll post a step-by-step tutorial on how to make a routine chart.
In our household, we review upcoming activities for our children. At dinner, we say “we are going to eat dinner, and then after dinner we’ll play downstairs, and then it will be night-night time.” As dinner is wrapping up, I again say “let’s go downstairs to play, and then we’ll go upstairs for night-night time.” When we are nearing bedtime (within 10-15 minutes), I will tell my children this is the last ___ (last game, last ride, last round of play), give them a 2 minute warning and tell them the next activity, and we love to use songs as transitions. If you struggle with nighttime battles, consider implementing some of these techniques to ease transitions for your toddler. Remember, the first time or two you introduce new patterns, it does not seem like it is becoming easier. It is the process of establishing new patterns and routines, and the consistency over time that create the triggers and responses for your children. Give the changes 2-4 weeks to become familiar and ingrained.