It is 4:20 am and I can’t sleep.
Yesterday was not too good. The swelling has increased, and the tumor is expanding. The doctor spent while with Jess, Jeremy and me to explain what was going on, and show us all of the slides, etc. I didn’t want to hear it. The goal now is to get her to: 1] sit up in a chair, 2] eat, and 3] talk. In other words, to try and have a “normal life. I honestly don’t know if that will be able to be done. I am really at a loss.
On Monday, I have to start seeing the people I have avoided for my entire life. I have to pick a plot and make arrangements for the other stuff. SHIT!!!!
Somehow or other I, along with the kids, will get through this. But, it isn’t fair to Debbie.
When asked, the doctor was very clear—this could not have been prevented from happening if we saw it last week, last month, last year…. The cells were there, and they decided to expand over and over and over, as they wanted to. I guess that is why they call it “blastphoma”. [I know that isn’t the reason, but it sounds right to me] Anyway, I just hope that Debbie can be kept comfortable during this ordeal.
This has been one hell of a way to gather your friends together. They have been great, especially in helping Jessica. Maya is nursing, and has to be with Jess at all times. The hospital will not allow anyone under 16 above the lobby level at any time. [Unless they are pediatric patients, naturally.] Well, our friends have been doing babysitting–when we are upstairs, they are downstairs with Maya.
I am sorry I am rambling on, but it is somehow helping me by just writing this morning.
Oh yes, the doctor said that this kind of a case was like 8::100,000 – and Jessica asked: “Couldn’t have been a lottery ticket instead” Why do we have to lose by winning???!!!